For those of you who follow this blog to hear the words and poetry of my wife, I just want to let you know that this is her husband once again.
My wife has been through the most devilish and diabolical crimes at the expense of her innocence.
Unfortunately, I know she is one of many who have suffered sexual predation at the hands of parents, aunts and uncles, grandparents and other trusted people whom God Himself entrusted them to…only to be raped, molested, sodomized, and terrorized.
After writing my last post, “Angry Husband”, it gave me some breathing room. Those of us who are husbands and wives of sexual abuse victims know an acute pain that only other spouses whose beloved have been the victims and targets of sick perverted sexual encounters with parents, relatives and even “friends” of the family.
I just want to tell the story in my own words… just to get it out of my system. This may just be one or two more posts, or it may be several, so for any who just read to hear my wife speak or write, I apologize, as I am not her equal at all in wordsmithing. I only long for a place to tell my story and I find that by writing many pent up emotions and feelings can be put to words and made to feel more real and less threatening. Especially, we men tend to bottle up words until we are like a Coca Cola that has been thoroughly shaken, or we sadly, men and women just choose to kill our hearts altogether, or find one of thousands of addictions to numb the soul…
This is some of my story…
My wife cut her parents out of her life by her choice… somewhere around 9 years ago. Like so many trauma survivors, she had repressed almost all the memories of the rape out of her mind (but never the heart, no matter what we do in life to try to forget, our hearts always point to the truth, especially as believers and followers of Christ, because as it’s often quoted in Ezekiel, he takes our old stony sinful heart out and replaces it with a heart with a strong heartbeat of warm, vibrant, and alive flesh when we give our lives to Jesus). Some people don’t understand why people repress memories. The simplest answer is a question, “Would you want to remember being raped even once by your mother or father…much less years of being used by both parents for their own sexual gratification?”. Of course not! None of us would want to remember! Still some query…”How do you forget an event so unforgettable in the the worst way?” To that, the simple answer for most victims is, “SURVIVAL” and “SANITY”.
When you are living as a child with the people who consistently abuse you and have sex with you, threatening to kill you, having almost complete power over you, you must make a choice! What are you going to do with this devastation, especially when you aren’t even old enough to support yourself? Do you as a 3 or 4 year old child all the way to around 12 (the general age of my wife’s memories when most of the abuse happened), choose to remember and go toe to toe with your parents? Of course not! Not one of us has that kind of capacity. Our parents have almost complete power over us as children, and unless someone else sees what’s going on, so many children, like my wife, continue to get violently raped, molested, and so on. It’s not safe to “remember” when you are living with your tormentors and captives. Who needs to buy a child out of the sex trade industry when you can just have one born to you??
So when it’s your parents doing the raping, and especially BOTH parents, for almost a decade (my wife’s earliest memories of being raped start out with her earliest memories, remembering her mom penetrating her while in diapers). Sandra, her mother, did that until around the time she was 10-12. As my wife got older, it wasn’t “natural” for her to sit or be held in her mother’s lap, so late at night after she went to bed, she’d hear theĀ sound of footsteps approaching her door. Her mother would enter the room, my wife could feel her presence as she stood over her, andĀ then she would lay down in bed behind her and slip her fingers beneath her underwear, where she would penetrate and rape her with her fingers until we assume, Sandra would achieve orgasm.
Gary, her father, was much more violent in his sexual abuse. She was viciously and forcibly held down and sodomized for not doing a chore, and he chose to anally rape his daughter to “punish” her for forgetting the chore. Mostly, she was forcibly orally raped by her Gary forcing her to perform fellatio until he reached orgasm, then he would forcibly grab her face in a death grip and force his tongue down her throat. He would change this routine up sometimes and violently hold her wrists together with his vice grip like hands and use her hands to achieve sexual gratification.
All this time, his parents were not only raping their precious daughter, but were allowing her to stay with her aunt and uncle, Stella and Eddie, whom Gary had helped conceal the fact his entire life to this day, that Eddie raped all five of their sisters growing up, Shirley, Wanda, Phyllis, Diane, and one whom I can’t remember her name.
I don’t know what got into him on aĀ particular day, but years ago, before the memories started resurfacing, and we had a relationship of sorts with her parents, Gary, told me while we driving somewhere. (He was driving because he had to be “in control” at all times.) Anyway, he told me casually, that Eddie had raped every single one of his sisters and his mother, this nasty crone of a woman, named Geneva Perry, had told him not to tell on Eddie because the police would take him away from them…
At the time I met Rebecca, Eddie has already been tried, convicted and sentenced for three life sentences for raping Diane’s daughter, Krystal, and also for raping both his oldest daughters, Kathy and Annette, (forgive me if I don’t spell the names correctly for the few of you who actually love these innocent girls, that some of you call cousin, daughter, niece, or even friend), and also another girl who was 16 and to my knowledge mentally incapacitated, whom Eddie had convinced that he was her “boyfriend”. His family, (i’m not sure which ones, except I’m pretty sure the aunt whose name that I can’t remember was the one who dragged her brother off this young girl), actually found them in the backseat of a car and drug him off her in the middle of him taking advantage of this mentally handicapped girl, and then my wife’s aunt screamed at the girl telling her that she was a slut and a whore, and adulterer. Once again, another nauseating example of the Perry family blaming the victims for the crimes of the perverts and perpetrators.
Rebecca had also been raped by Eddie on several occasions, but her parents wouldn’t allow her to testify at the trial or even go on record that he had raped her. They told her that they were protecting her. This, among many things, made much more sense years later as Rebecca’s memories came back…trickling at first for several years, then cascading like a waterfall this year, as she’s worked with a very intelligent and gifted psychologist and as she and i have talked countless hours over each grueling detail as the flashbacks come.
As a spouse of a sexual abuse survivor it can be very lonely. Obviously, there are many signs and symptoms that somethingĀ is very very wrong…long before these memories came trickling and then rushing back. There has been an emotional dam between us since dating, and it has caused her to refrain from most things emotional, especially things that trigger flash backs, which due to the extensive abuse has covered most areas of our lives…even conversations.
She had to watch every word around her parents for fear of being attacked, belittled, ridiculed, silenced, made fun of, etc. One day joking with her dad would elicit a laugh and the next it would elicit a slap in the face, usually in front of company. Somehow apparently, he felt most like “a man” by slapping or ridiculing his daughter in front of others. Sometimes, his friends, particularly his own personal disciple, Larry, would ridicule her so much until she cried, and that really made them laugh. I can’t imagine anyone enjoying making a child cry, much less their own daughter, but that’s one of the many ways Gary got his kicks.
Aaron, whom Rebecca remembers as she was climbing up into their treehouse, and witnessed Gary molesting Aaron, as well as the two sons (so Gary’s two nephews) of the other brother of Gary and Eddie, whom I can’t remember his name either. Gary and Sandra had two children, my wife, and her brother, Aaron. And Aaron didn’t escape the hell either, from the sexual abuse to the severe emotional and spiritual abuse. Aaron was chronically emasculated by his father, sexually, physically, emotionally, and spiritually.
Gary liked to imagine himself some kind of preacher or prophet of God, and used the Bible, the Word of the God regularly to abuse anyone who would listen, but of course hisĀ children got the brunt of it. He regularly took the Bible out of context and cut and pasted it to his liking. He’d use the parts about children obeying their parents, but somehow leave out the bit about ”Ā fathers:Ā don’t provoke your childrenĀ to anger, otherwise they might lose heart.”, or the parts about love. Apparently, he just made fun of people using “love” as a way to present God. Love was a cuss word to him and it offended him, so there weren’t any of his mock “sermons” that preached about the verse that tells us that it’s the kindness of God that leads us to repentance. Even David, the mighty warrior poet, speaks of God in Psalm 18 I believe and says, “Thy gentleness hath made me great.”.
He and Larry even revised one of the most touching and intimate stories in the Bible, in Jesus’s final moments on the cross, where one of the two thieves who had been mocking Jesus along with everyone else had a change of heart when he saw how Jesus was praying “Father…forgive them for they know not what they do.” This thief was convicted and basically told the otherĀ thief to shut it, saying that they both deserved their punishment, but that Jesus was guiltless, and asked Jesus to remember him when He comes into His Kingdom. Jesus, who is love incarnate, forgave the repentant thief right then and there and comforted the one who had been mocking him only moments ago, by saying “Today, you’ll be with me in paradise”.
Gary and his cohort, Larry, revised the story, removing the heart of the story, “love”. They, (and using this word with them is laughable, but anyway,) they “preached” the story with a question mark at the end of Jesus’s precious words, so “Today you’ll be with me in paradise?” Even in this beautiful story the love of God which is much more powerful than all their nastiness and hate and perversion, is offensive to them and they preach Jesus using sarcasm and mocking the thief, like “yea right! like you’ll be with me in paradise today?”
Besides the complete lack of context, or even the nonexistence of a simple question mark at the end of this sentence, and going against the Love of Almighty God, they perverted and distorted this simple and beautiful example of God’s perfect love. But Gary has “preached”Ā and twisted this Bible verse along with countless others to suit his idol, himself.
I just use this example of what kind of environment, my wife and her brother, grew up in. Their parents weren’t content with even sexually abusing them, they had to master and distort each part of their world. Constant ridicule! Aaron who was born with dyslexia, was beaten cruelly because he didn’t do well enough in school, and was being “disobedient”, which of course was reinforced by Bible verses taken out of context (which I doubt Gary even knows what context is) and beaten over the head (as well as mercilessly whipped) to make him feel like a spiritual failure as well.
Unfortunately, by the time I came along, Aaron had went from being known as a kind young man, to a very bitter person. He’s been full of hate since I’ve known him. He hates me for no reason. We had an argument once, when he was hounding my wife, when she first chose to separate from her family. I tried talking with him, or texting with him, because he mainly chose to text his venom at me.
He can hate me all he wants. I don’t hate him back. And it’s not because he’s such a swell guy…he’s been a real stinker. He’s become a bully like many children of abusive parents and chosen to align himself with the people who tormented him since birth. Though it’s not from the heart, word is, he’s simply waiting for his parents to die so he can collect the inheritance. So he plays the “good” and “loyal” son right now. He’s so full of hate, I pity him, and I love him, because love is a choice.
My wife has a good chunk of pictures from her childhood. She’s exorcised the ones of her parents, but whenever I see the little boy that is Aaron, all the way to young man, sometimes looking serious, sometimes goofing off, my heart breaks for all he’s endured and I pray for him. Jesus, the real Jesus, not the weird golden calf version whom his cultist father and mother created and worship, but the real loving Jesus died for him. He died for every sin he’d ever commit, just because God wants to spend eternity with Aaron in Heaven…
I know it’s really difficult to separate, especially, when your parents were part of a small time cult of churches simply known as “The Church of Jesus Christ” located in North Central, Florida, where many many instances of child abuse have happened. God works in weird ways, but my first and only sister in law, my brother’s first wife, was raised in the exact same “church”, except it was the one in Horseshoe Beach, Florida…”The Church of Jesus Christ”. My wife’s parents ran their own in Lake City, Florida, and there were at least 3 or 4 other “churches” with the same name who formed a loose alliance. Anyway, there was rampant child sexual predation in my sister-in-laws part of the cult in Horseshoe Beach and there was rampant sexual predation in the one ran by my wife’s parents and aunt and uncle (Stella and Eddie), and there was another one, in another of the cultist “churches” whose granddaughter had accused her grandfather “the pastor”, of sexual abuse.
I think since it’s a loose confederation, most think that they are the only ones who are sexually abused (as well as physically, verbally, emotionally, and spiritually), and the people in this cult aggressively attack the victims by saying that they are “coming against a man of god”. Nothing could be further from the truth. These are not men and women of Jesus. They serve a god but it’s not Jesus, it’s their own caricature of Jesus, just like the children of Israel claimed that the golden calf WAS the same god who had freed them from Egypt and parted the Red Sea. They weren’t claiming it was another god, they were saying it was Jesus (though he wasn’t known by that name for another 1440 years).
Anyway, having all these horrific details and pictures in my head, makes my heart very sad and sick and broken. I know there are other survivors of abuse and other husbands and wives of those survivors. It’s a shame we most all suffer in silence. You feel like the spouse of a deadly disease when people do find out. And you desperately desire your spouse to receive warmth and compassion and justice, but you want to be able to tell your story as well.
So my wife is graciously allowing me to use her blog to tell my story. If I continue to write on here, some of my posts may be pure anger (which is healthy, if any crime deserves anger, it’s child molestation), and some may be sorrow. For those of you who took the time to read this longer post, I thank you. For anyone who wants to share your thoughts, I invite you to. It’s haunting and infuriating to have such repulsive images in your head and in your heart (I can’t even imagine what it must be like to be the victim…). I can understand why even if some victims weren’t mortally threatened like my wife was, why they might try to forget and or suppress such terrible acts by horrible people. This is a terrible world…I look forward to the day when God makes all things new (Revelation 21-22). It won’t always be this way. God has a plan, and even though it’s difficult to discern during times of terror and tragedy…I believe, because I choose to believe His Word, that it’s a good plan…one day, the night of mourning will be over, and then only Joy for all those who chose to align themselves with Him, the source of all Goodness, and not with the evil one, who is the one behind every tragedy and terror in this world right now. One day, he’ll get what’s coming to him and according to the Bible, when we see him, we’ll even all laugh at satan, and question “is this he who decieved the nations?”
Apparently when all the saints see satan, it will be much like when i see my paltry diminutive father in law, his bearing and looks and personality and demeanor are all very comical. He’s just a little piss ant. My mother in law, is the same. It must be the effect of such soul evil and ugliness. They were only a terror to children. Seeing them as adults, my father in law resembles a pot bellied pig that talks, except with loose skin and sagging eyes that droop with years of evil. IfĀ he ever had any strength, it has long since dried and withered like a fruit left too long on the vine or limb.
I think evil has a physical effect on you. My mother in law, Sandra Perry, is like a hag who tries her best to appear non threatening like a witch in a story book. Her skin is sallow. She could be a creature from Guillermo Del Toro’s stories, like Babayaega from Hellboy (the new one), children’s bones litter her countertops and table, and if she ever possessed any beauty it has long since abandoned her and nothing but ugliness remains.
captivatingbitter 